I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
