Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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