so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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