absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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