it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize