My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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