I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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