Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
