apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
