I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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