Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
