If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
