im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
