I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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