I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
