Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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