i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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