The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
