dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize