it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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