i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
