so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
