Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
