guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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