You smell like stripper and shame
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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