Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
