I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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