She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
we're so committed to being not committed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
