i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
