I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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