Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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