wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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