we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
