His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize