The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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