I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
