Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i came on her dog
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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