Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
