you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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