I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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