im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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