Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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