Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize