If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
