shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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