bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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