I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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