she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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