You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize