I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
