Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize