it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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