I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you inspire me to be a worse person
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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