Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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