she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
