no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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