dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
