Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
