there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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