Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
