I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
