I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
