I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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