I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
