If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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