You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
